Cramps

My husband is notorious for his cramps, specifically in his hamstrings and one really bad cramp in his big toe several years ago. I can't even tell the story of his toe cramp without laughing and snorting. He literally rolled off the couch, fell to the floor, grabbed his big toe, and started screaming, "Oooooohhhhh!!!! My toe is trying to make a u-turn!!!!" I'm already laughing as I type this out, remembering the sight of him on the floor, rolling around, holding onto his toe, screaming and writhing in pain. He says I always laugh when he's in pain. It's not the pain, but his reaction to it that sends me over the edge. He just kept screaming that his toe was trying to make a u-turn ...... a u-turn? I've never heard anyone describe a toe cramp quite that way.

Last Sunday, he had another cramp, this time 20 feet up a tree. I was at work when he sent me a text; here's how it went down, as he described it to me:

He had climbed up a tree to trim some limbs so he could put up his tree stand. For you non-hunting-types, this is what hunters sit in while they wait for the wild aneemuls to come in so they can "choot 'em!" (Kudos to you if you know what that's from.) One of the limbs fell and knocked the ladder off of the tree. I imagine there might have been a dirty word uttered. Then he got his right foot stuck in the middle of the tree trunk. While trying to free it, his left glute and hamstring started to cramp up. I'm already laughing. He tried to spin around and got his left pant leg caught on another limb and almost fell out. Okay, that doesn't make me laugh. All the while, his rear was still cramping up and he was having to use both hands to hold himself up, so he couldn't rub the cramp out. I'm laughing again. He finally kicked his left leg free, managed to pull his right foot out and rubbed his backside for a while. If you've ever met my husband, you know that at this point he was probably huffing like a race horse and had scared off any animals within a 3 mile radius. He managed to climb down to a lower branch and got the h-e-double hockey sticks out of that tree!

As he told me the story, I asked him if he took any pictures while he was up in that tree. You know, I like to have a picture to commemorate the event. That's normal, right? He said, "I was trying to not die, woman!" I guess that means he didn't get a picture. Shucky darn.