Grammar snob

I have a confession to make; I am bit of a grammar snob.  Yes, I will secretly and silently judge every word you write and mentally take a red ink pen to your words, marking corrections all over your imaginary paper.  And apparently, I'm not the only one.  Whew!  Thank goodness, because I was afraid I was on an island here.  Yesterday, I made mention on my personal Facebook page of a common grammatical error I see too often and my friends began to let loose with their own grammatical pet peeves.

It's not that I am smarter than anyone else or that my grammar is leaps and bounds above others, because it isn't and I am certainly not an English language expert, but grammatical errors stick out at me like a sore thumb, they always have.  Even my own mistakes irritate me to no end and I will feel an overwhelming compulsion to go back and correct them.  I just can't let it go.  And when my phone autocorrects my words and substitutes the wrong word and I don't catch it, I almost lose my OCD mind.  I know many lovely, wonderful people who have bad grammar and no, I don't go around correcting them, just like they don't tell me that I have a hideous laugh, an Okie accent, and big teeth.  We even each other out.

So, for today's public service announcement, here are a few of the verbal pooh-poohs that top the list:

"I have _____ for sell."  No you have _____ for sale.  You sell an item, you don't sale it.  You aren't saleing (that's not even a word) something, you're selling it.

"I have an ideal, let's go shopping!"  No, you have an idea, not the same thing.

"I was born death in my left ear."  No, you were born deaf in your left ear.

Dis, dat, da - these are not proper substitutions for this, that and the.

"All I like are a few more pages."  No, all you lack are a few more pages.

"I done that."  No, you did that or you have done that.

"I got my hair did."  No, you had your hair done/fixed/cut/permed/colored/etc. and I'm not 100% sure that saying, "I had my hair done," is grammatically correct. ???  Something about the phrase just doesn't sound proper.  I only use the "hair did" line in a completely facetious and joking manner, and yes, I've used it in this blog.

"I seen this movie."  No, you saw that movie or you have seen it.

You're and your - not the same thing.

They're, there and their - again, not the same thing.

An and And - not the same thing.  Using the letter N as a substitution is also a no-no.

Our and are - not the same thing.  Using the letter R as a substitution is only acceptable if you're spelling names like Babies 'R' Us or Toys 'R' Us.

To and too - not the same thing.

And yes, I realize that I do things like starting sentences with the words so, and, or, and but, sometimes I make up my own words, I probably say the word "like" too much and I'm in love with commas and run-on sentences.  But, let's not talk about me, let's talk about everyone else.  If everyone could just play along like nice little boys and girls and start using the correct terminology, in the correct tense and context, my OCD will quiet down and I won't have to make embarrassing confessions to strangers via the internet.

And if all of that offends you, you really need to lighten up.  This is, after all, just a silly little blog written by a woman who's brain is stained with baby poop.  :)