Continued mixed news

Well, we continue to get mixed news about Diamond. As we had feared, the cost of a CT scan and surgery is more than we can afford; think THOUSANDS of dollars. Plus, we don't know if she would still be able to eat after surgery or if she'd have to be on some kind of feeding tube. And there's no guarantee that having the surgery will prevent her from developing more tumors. 

So, what to do, what to do, oh, what to do? The good news is that she doesn't seem to be hurting, still chases Petes in the yard and the tumor isn't bleeding, so we're going to monitor the situation. But, we have made a couple of changes: no more dry (kibble) dog food and no hard or crunchy treats or meds. She gets soft or canned food, chewy treats, chewy joint supplements, and we have her on some meds to help bring up her weight a little bit and prevent an infection. And since she and Marilyn eat and get treats at the same time, Marilyn is getting the same foods and treats, and neither of them is complaining. They LOVE the canned food and since they can't wait to scarf it up, it's easier to have them on an eating schedule.

It's such a precarious situation; I don't want her to suffer, but I don't want to have her unnecessarily put down (see definition from 2 days ago). As long as she can still eat, doesn't seem to be in pain and acts like her normal self, then we will stay in this monitoring state. Which I hate. I am a person who likes to have definitions and resolute endings. I don't like not having a date set for when she will be better. I don't like to monitor. I don't like to be left hanging. I don't like not having a set course of treatment for her. I don't like "wait and see". But, I also don't have a choice, so I'd better just get happy in the same pants I got mad in. (Do people say that in other parts of the country or is it just an Okie thing?) I feel confused and conflicted.  I will love and enjoy her for as long as she's here. It's hard to look at her every day with this giant tumor making her upper lip stick out and not feel sorry for her. Even if it isn't hurting her, I would still think that it's uncomfortable to have your lip stick out all the time. I would think it's akin to the way braces hurt the inside of your mouth, except this looks a lot worse. She looks pitiful, but the vet pushed around on it and she didn't wince or cry, so I'm hoping it just looks worse than it is and that she doesn't develop any more tumors. How does that old song go? "Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying....."

My poor girl. And if I haven't mentioned it yet, this tumor makes her breath smell ATROCIOUS! Like doggy breath on steroids! It will gag a mag, man! Like gag me with a spoon! Ok, I'll stop.