Trophies

I'm going to preface this post with this warning:  I'm probably going to offend someone.  And if that happens, it is not my intent, but I realize that it is an inevitable side effect.  Don't take what I say personally; I'm not attacking anyone as an individual or being malicious, this is just my opinion.  You don't have to agree, but if you comment, please be civil - no name calling or insult throwing.  Thank you.

This morning, while I was laying in bed and trying to convince myself that staying in bed all day long was an acceptable way to spend my day I suddenly began thinking about trophies.  I'm not really sure why, it's not something that I normally think about.  But, I was contemplating how trophies are handed out to kids and adults alike for simply participating in a competitive event - which is something that I find to be fundamentally wrong.  A trophy is for the person, group or team that wins.  It's for the person or persons who worked the hardest, wanted it the most, and performed the best.  It's not for those who lost or gave a half-hearted effort, didn't attend meetings or practices, and knew that they didn't have to give 100% because they would still get an award in the end.

When I was a little girl, if we were not on the winning team, we didn't get a trophy or medal, we got a piece of paper or a ribbon showing that we participated.  Whoopee.  I hated that piece of paper and the participant ribbon; it meant that someone beat me and I didn't like that.  There were some events that I knew I would never win, like the 50 yard dash, but I still gave it my all and I NEVER expected a trophy or medal for coming in 6th or 7th.  But, in strength events I always expected to be in the top three and when I wasn't, I learned how to deal with loss.  There were a few other girls that I knew were as strong or stronger than I was and we would generally round out the top 5, with three of us getting a medal.  Again, if you were in 4th place or lower you didn't get a medal and you learned how to deal with loss.  Even in intramural sports I wanted to be on a team with girls that I knew would help our team win and if I were on a team with girls who didn't know how to play the game and didn't care to learn, I would be mad because I knew that I was going to have to make up for their lack of desire.  I was going to have to work harder to overcome the obstacles between me and at least the top three.  I did not want to be in last place or even next to last place.  I'm not big into trash talk, I'm more of a let your work speak for itself kind of gal.  But, I always wanted to win.  It didn't always happen, but it was always what I wanted.  Last year at a kids basketball game I overheard the coach ask one young lady if she was giving it her all and she flat out said, "No."  She didn't make any bones about it, she just flat out wasn't giving her best effort and she wasn't going to give anymore than she already was.  That may be fine in events where you're just learning and it really isn't about the win or lose, but this was a competitve game.  I repeat, this was a COMPETITIVE game.  Comptete, that means you're challenging the other team to see who's top dog.  If you're not going to give your best effort to help your team win, then keep yourself on the bench, be a cheerleader or sit in the stands.  Having just one person on a team who doesn't give 100% can suck the life out of the rest of the team.

I think that it's important to teach children that they won't always win and they're not going to receive an award for losing.  Is losing fun?  No, and that's the point.  Is it hard to see your child lose?  Yes, but that is a fact of life.  I'm not looking forward to the day that I see my little man suffer because he lost at something he really wanted, but I do feel prepared for how to teach him to deal with it.  Life is full of personal wins and losses and if you've never been taught how to deal with loss as a child, then you're probably not going to know how to deal with it as an adult.  And trust me, I've seen a lot of grown men and women have tantrums and break-downs and boo-hoo sessions because they weren't recognized for losing and they just couldn't understand why they didn't get an award for their efforts.  Yes, A for effort, but it doesn't entitle you to an award.  A hand shake and a thank you are more appropriate.  I'm all for recognizing when someone does a good job, but if someone does a better job, then guess what?  You came in second.  You want that salesman of the year award?  Hone your skills, put in the hours and work for it.  If it continues to be unattainable, maybe you aren't a salesman and you need a change in career?  Recognize where your strengths are and refine them; make them shine so bright that your weaknesses look smaller and smaller.  Some people are not destined to be in management because while they are awesome at their current job, being a manager is not something they would excel at.  Or maybe they were passed over for promotion.  If that is your limit, recognize it and be the best you can be at your current job and improve your skills for the promotion you want and if that's not enough then consider changing jobs.  I want to run a marathon, but I know that I'm not going to win; it's something I want to do as a personal goal.  I do not expect a medal for my effort.  Yes, it would be a personal achievement and you know what?  I get to enjoy the satisfaction that I achieved my personal goal of completing a marathon.  I don't need a medal or ribbon or certificate of participation telling me "Yea for you!" 

I'm not saying we shouldn't encourage children to be a part of a team, but when did it become such a bad thing to foster a little bit of a competitive spirit?  When did losing become "okay" and striving to be the winner become "bad"?  I do not understand this philosophy. 

After we got up we were watching The Dan Patrick Show and oddly enough they were also talking about trophies.  (Great minds think alike? haha)  Dan commented that he doesn't agree with everyone getting a trophy because it devalues the trophy.  Amen, I couldn't agree more.  And that just about sums it up.