Do you scuba?

A week or so ago while watching the 60 Minutes teaser showing Anderson Cooper scubadiving with crocodiles in the Nile River, I said to D, "That's stupid!  You won't catch me doing that!"

"That's because you don't scuba dive and you don't go into murky water," he said.

Well, it's kept me safe thus far.

A couple of years ago we took a class called "Try Scuba" while we were on vacation in Florida.  It was a cheap way to see if scuba diving was something you'd like to learn to do.  There was classroom work for the first half and then we all went out onto a boat in one of the cays and did practical exercises before they would take you down, up to 40 feet.  Is that how you say it when your diving down?  Up to 40 feet?  Or is it down to 40 feet?  Hmmmm......

We were both very excited as the class started and they passed out face masks and talked about safety precautions.  I won't deny my fear of things in the water, namely Jaws.  I saw all of the movies, I know what that beast can do and I have no interest in being his lunchtime appetizer.  Maybe I'd be dessert because I'm so sweet?  And I know about stingrays and other naughty sealife that can kill you.  Plus, I watch Shark Week every summer, I'm completely educated about the risks of murky water.  Before long it was time to head down to the boat.  I slathered on some sunscreen and then applied 3 or 4 more coats.  We piled onto the boat and took a 10 minute ride to the diving spot, which by the way, wasn't murky.  It was crystal clear blue and beautiful.  And I almost died.  I think.

D and I were in one of the last groups to go.  I didn't feel myself start to get panicky until I actually put the breathing apparatus in my mouth.  At that point, I began to feel like I did the day I got my belly button pierced.  I didn't particularly like the mask because of the suction effect, but I was dealing with it.  There was just something about the breathing apparatus that really made me feel uneasy.  Then we had to go underwater.  Mind you, the water was about 4 feet deep.  I knew that I wasn't going to die, but I'm here to tell you, I went under the water for 0.394 seconds and immediately came back up.  The rest of the group was under, just hovering for about 10 seconds, getting acclimated.  As soon as D came back up I said, "Honey, I'm sorry, but I don't know if I can do this."  He offered some encouraging words and I was using every calming technique I could think of to deflate the panic that was about to explode out of my body and keep my heart from rupturing as it beat uncontrollably.  It was beating so fast and hard that I was afraid the thumping of it would reverberate and attract every shark for 10 miles.  I attempted to go under and stay under several more times and I think I may have maxxed out around 5 seconds.  Plus, something was going on with my mask and it kept slipping while at the same time, it felt like it was crushing my sinuses.  Then, we were going to have to do a rescue maneuver, taking our breathing apparatus out of our mouth, simulating that we lost it, and then have to capture it and put it back in our mouth.  Let me make this clear, this was not something that this girl was going to do.  I just couldn't.  The mere thought of losing my breathing apparatus suddenly almost sent me over the edge.  I continued to apologize to D and the instructor and the rest of the group.  I must have looked pitiful because D said something along the lines of, "Aww, honey," as he was trying to fix my mask for me.  The instructor woked with me one-on-one and then another instructor took over.

At this point I should probably tell you that I'm extremely - and I mean EXTREMELY - claustrophobic.  Like I can't be pinned under the bed sheets claustrophobic.  Elevators don't really bother me, but if I can't move my arms and legs I will panic and go into super ninja mode and whip everyone's a** who's trying to prevent my escape.  I'm like a caged wild animal.  Many moons ago, before D realized how claustrophobic I am, he pinned me under the covers once - and only once.  I quelled my panic and slowly said, "Get off me."  When he didn't comply, well you can guess what happened.  Sheets flew, screams were uttered and I turned green and grew huge muscles as the Hulk came out of me.  I thought I was going to die.  When the ordeal was over I was standing beside the bed, heaving up my lungs as I gasped for air and D was still in the bed covered with sheets and pillows.  Initially, he thought that he could somehow help (force) me to get over the claustrophobia, but over the years he's figured out that that ain't a-happenin'.  And this is something that has always been a part of me.  Grandma Lois used to tell the story of how she would swaddle me when I was just a couple of weeks old and I hated it so much that I would wiggle out and she'd almost lose me.  I don't like to be cocooned or wrapped or hindered.  Set me free!!!!!!

This is why claustrophobia is relavent - if you're claustrophobic, you will have major trouble scuba diving.  As the second instructor worked with me, I finally told her that I didn't want to waste her time or mine and to just work with D and I would be fine with not going scuba diving.  At first, she tried to convince me to keep trying and then I told her the bed sheet story.  Ohhhhhhh," she said.  I think she had an aha moment and she immediately understood my situation and gave up.  I went back to the boat and she and D went diving and he had an awesome time.

On the way home, I sounded like I'd been snorting chlorine and I was completely plugged up with sinus drainage and pressure.  And I had a migraine.  Something about the pressure of the mask and the water and the stress just did me in.  I continued to apologize to D and I felt bad because I just couldn't do it.  He later told me that he knew as soon as we went under the first time that he knew by the look on my face that I was done.  And when the instructor began trying to convince me to keep trying he thought, "Lady, you can talk to her all day long - this ain't happening."  LOL he knows me so well.

Everytime I see someone diving I think how cool it is and I wish I could do that.  But, let's face it, scuba diving is not in the cards for me.  And if you're as claustrophobic as I am, it's not in the cards for you, either.  So, stop laughing.  :-}