A thankful heart: day 30

I saved the best for last.  Today I am thankful for my family.  They're crazy, they're annoying, they're loving, they're supportive, they're funny, they're frustrating and they're the best I could ask for!

A thankful heart: day 29

Today I am thankful for veterinarians. My baby, Marilyn, is not well. She's getting older and has developed arthritis and has some torn ligaments in her leg. When she's not resting she limps around and sometimes cries when she tweaks her leg; it's heartbreaking to watch. I even heard her yelp and cry in the night :( It's times like these that I wish she could talk. She's getting weekly shots and is on pain meds but it's just hard to watch her suffer. I'm thankful that our vet had an opening and got her in quickly and had the knowledge to tell me what's causing my baby to suffer and how we can treat her. Praying she feels better soon!

A thankful heart: day 27 and 28

Day 27
Today I am thankful for humidifiers and lotion. The air here is so dry that my skin is snake-like, dry and flaky and so dehydrated that I sometimes have cottonmouth to the point that I feel like I'm choking. And my nose is so dry that my nasal passages have begun to bleed and I had (TMI alert) several sores that wouldn't heal. Thanks to the humidifier, lotion, neosporin, nasal moisturizer spray and lots and lots of water I'm now feeling better.

Day 28
Today I am thankful for prayer. When I am stressed or worried I know that I can go straight to the Lord in prayer and instantly feel better. I tend to pray a lot in the shower and during my 45 minute commute. These aren't the only two times I pray, but these are times that I'm almost guaranteed to be alone and have little risk of interruption. When my mood drops or when I need to feel hopeful I know that I can be restored in the Lord through prayer. I can't get that anywhere else.

A thankful heart: days 21-26 (wow)

I kind of fell behind. Oops.

Day 21
Today I am thankful for safe travels. We gathered with family for a memorial service for my Grandma Betty and Grandpa Rex's today. On our way home about 8:30 that night we passed a bad wreck in Mannford. D got called to a car fire west of our little town. My mother-in-law, Karen, sister-in-law, Lindsay, and her boyfriend, Dan, arrived from St. Louis a couple of hours later. Later that night D had to respond to a structure fire in town and had his first experience entering a burning building. I'm thankful we are all safe.

Day 22
Thanksgiving Day and today I am thankful for the gathering of family. My parents and D's aunt and uncle joined us for the grand feast. Jakob was impressed with all of the food and said it was delicious. Mom toodled around on the 4-wheeler before dinner and we had a TON of food. On a side note, the smell of turkery wreaked havoc on my prenatal body. Every time I smelled it I felt a little sick. But, determined to eat it, I had a few pieces with my cranberry tangerine salad.

Day 23
Today I am thankful for headache medicine. I didn't have a headache, but late in the day (after a long day) Jakob and Lindsay did. I took Jakob to the school at 8:00 to ride the bus to the scrimmage in Sperry. The rest of us, minus D because he was working, left about 8:45. I planned to get some donuts and sausage rolls in town when I dropped Jakob off, but they were closed, so we had to settle for McDonald's in Sand Springs on our way to the scrimmage. I made the mistake of assuming there would be some concessions at the scrimmage to hold me over until lunch and my small breakfast did not last. Jakob rode the bus home and we went to Skiatook to eat mexican. Once again, we made a poor assumption that they would be open. So, we settled for Mazzio's pizza buffet instead. That evening all of us, including D this time, went to Stillwater to eat at Eskimo Joe's and introduce Dan to their cheese fries. Jakob had a headache when we left and Lindsay hit her head on the counter when she stood up after petting one of the dogs and she also had a headache. Jakob felt so bad that he barely touched his food, but his dad got to see us on the webcam and we all waved to him. Thankfully, Mom's house isn't too far from Joe's and we stopped in for ibuprofen and both Jakob and Lindsay were all fixed up. Mom and Bill weren't home, yet, so D and I rearranged the food in their pantry and opened all of the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen. We like to let Mom know we've been there.

Day 24
Today I am thankful for the Christmas spirit. I got the tree down after our guests headed home and Jakob and I got it put up and decorated. I got him a keepsake ornament to celebrate his year in the US and he put it on the tree first.

 

 

 

Day 25
Today I am thankful for Facebook. I know it sounds like a stupid thing, but today it was quite helpful for me. Several months ago the bulb went out on our TV in the living room. Someone told me a new bulb was about $400, so I never checked into getting it repaired. D wanted a bigger TV anyway, so he just sent me to the store for a new one. The old TV has since been sitting idle in front of the fireplace. We decided to donate it to the Habitat ReStore in Stillwater in the hopes that someone could use it for a parts TV. However, getting it to Stillwater when they were open and we weren't working turned out to be quite a challenge. So, it just sat. And sat. And sat. And sat. I was so sick of looking at it that I decided to put it on Facebook on a couple of barter/sell groups and hope that someone would take it. I really didn't think anyone would want it because of the bulb issue. But, when I had about 15 responses within minutes of posting it, I wondered if the bulb replacement was really $400 or if it was a lot cheaper. The lady who ended up "winning" the TV came and picked it up and I think she said the bulb was less than $80. WOW. Mom was po'd because I tried to get her to take the TV at least 10 times and she kept saying no. Guess the joke was on her. Or maybe it's on me for not just getting the TV fixed instead of spending money on a new one. lol

Day 26
Today I am thankful for quiet. After a week of hustle and bustle, all is quiet once again and we are returning to a normal routine. Jakob is back in school, D and I have a couple of days off together and it's nice to just relax. The tree is up, the stockings are hung, presents are wrapped. I have a few more to buy, but for the most part, I am finished. It's time to just sit back and enjoy this time.

A thankful heart: day 20

Today I am thankful for modern medicine and ultrasounds! So thankful that we don't live in the pioneer days and my doctor can look at my baby with an ultrasound and make sure everything is okay; I don't have to live in the dark, wondering and waiting. I am 11 weeks today; who wants to start making bets on whether it's a boy or girl? :)

See the little bitty arms?! So precious!

A thankful heart: day 19

Today I am thankful for massages. I can now at least walk without stabbing pains in my glutes and low back. But, I'm so tight I think I'd need a massage every day for a month before I'd actually have long lasting relief. Today's massage will just have to do for now :)

A thankful heart: day 18

Today I am thankful for heating pads and space heaters. Without them I would A) never survive the winter and B) have no relief from a sore back and butt.

A thankful heart: day 17

Today is the 28th anniversary of my Dad's death. I remember waking up, it was still dark outside and the bathroom light was on. I got up and I saw my Aunt Debbie and my Grandma standing at the end of the hall and my Mom was in the bathroom, all of them were crying. I asked her what had happened and she said that my Dad had died. He had been sick for 2 years, it was a day that we knew was coming. We had watched him fight through and suffer and eventually wither away, becoming a shadow of the man he once was. Cancer and brain tumors had robbed him of his life and us of having a father and husband. I remember the next few days and the funeral, but I have virtually no memories from the following year, it's all just a blur and is all mixed up. Mom said I cried for my Dad every night for a year, which I don't remember. Today, I'm thankful for the short 7 1/2 years that I had with him. It wasn't enough, but it's better than nothing at all. I'm thankful for people who share their memories of him with us, allowing my brother and I to know him more than we did. I'm thankful that our little town saw fit to name the baseball field after him, honoring all of his hard work as a coach and teacher. I'm thankful for pictures and old tape recordings so we can still see his face, hear his voice and listen to him playing the guitar. I will see him in person again someday.

A thankful heart: day 16

Today I am thankful that nightmares can remain just that, a nightmare, and not a reality. A couple of days ago I had a dream that I had an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat - which was the only part of the dream that felt real. The rest of it was so nonsensical that I was conscious of the fact that I was dreaming, but when I got the ultrasound results I had to start convincing myself that I was dreaming and that it wasn't really happening. In my dream I had taken my brother to Barnes & Noble in Tulsa to buy work pants - you can see how that doesn't make sense. While we were there I got an ultrasound - yes, in Barnes & Noble, and they sent the results off to Cincinnati and a woman at a call center called me 3 hours later with the results and she was very nonchalant about it, like she couldn't even grasp the gravity of the words she was speaking. Total nonsense. I immediately began to try to be rational and convince myself that none of it was true. People don't buy clothes at Barnes & Noble and they certainly don't get ultrasounds there, either. Then my alarm went off and thank goodness that nightmare went back into the darkness. As Gandalf would say, "Go back to the shadow!" :)

First OSU football game

We took Jakob to his first OSU football game on the 10th when they whooped West Virginia. Sorry, Geno Smith.

We had to walk about 10 blocks from where we parked to the stadium and this old pregnant lady was out of breath about half way there. In usual fashion, the campus was blanketed in a sea of orange, black and white clad tailgaters with tents, grills, lawn chairs, tv's, radios and drinks. Jakob said he'd never seen anything like that at a sporting event before. Kicker had a decked out trailer and some cars set up on the north side of the stadium. D and Jakob put in some ear plugs and ventured into the trailer. When they came out they were laughing and said it boomed so much that their insides shook.

There was a military flyover during the National Anthem and they rolled out this beautiful, giant flag. I was misty eyed. Made me proud to be an American. OSU made a very nice tribute to our nation's Veteran's.

We're ready for "Pistols firing!"

And here comes Bullet!!!

After the game we stopped back by some friends' tailgate for a little celebration and Jakob got to meet Stan Clark, the owner of Eskimo Joe's (and Mexico Joe's and Joseppi's) and he was nice enough to pose for a quick pic. Jakob loves their cheese fries. Of course, we do too, but Jakob REALLY, REALLY loves them. :)

 

Turkey shoot

A couple of weeks ago D and Jakob went to our local FFA Turkey Shoot. Jakob had a grand time! In one round he was in a shoot-off with one of his friends and he won! He was absolutely beaming! He came home with two turkeys, one of which we donated the police department's Thanksgiving food drive and the other one we'll have next Thursday. :)

A thankful heart: day 15

Today, I'm thankful for encouraging words. As humans on this here planet earth, we're going to endure tough times and trials. Thankfully, we don't have to trudge through without help and encouragement from our loved ones. I am thankful for the people who have supported and encouraged me during my life's storms and I'm thankful for the opportunities when I've been able to help someone else. Sometimes all it takes is a hug, or the lending of an ear or a helping hand to get someone through a struggle. And don't forget, if you know someone who's always offering encouragement and support to others, that person needs your support in return. It's a difficult road to always be the one others lean on. I challenge everyone to encourage someone today! :)

Life with a volunteer fireman

As I said the other day, life got in the way of blogging and I fell behind. Se la vie. Here's what happened:

On Friday, Jakob was riding the bus to the football game in Warner and Jimmy was traveling with the team, so we were going to have a date night with Josh and Shawna. My plan was to blog that night when we got home.

I was starving and we knew it would be at least another hour before we ate, so on our way to Josh and Shawna's we stopped at the gas station for tea and iced sugar cookies. Hey, I'm pregnant and they taste good, indulge me. Just as D got back to the car, his fire pager went off. EMS and fire personnel were needed for a crash east of town. I drove us down to the station, he jumped out and a few minutes later Josh and some other firemen showed up and off they went. The page didn't say what the severity of the injuries was, just that they needed emergency personnel to respond to check out the occupants. In a small town where you know almost everyone, you always worry when there's a crash. After I saw two ambulances and two deputies running hot through town, I knew that the accident was serious. I ate two of my cookies then headed home and fell asleep in the recliner. Again, I'm pregnant, eating and sleeping are the only two things I manage to accomplish on a daily basis. D texted me and said they'd be a little bit, but the injuries weren't life threatening. About half an hour later he said they were done and he and Josh were headed back. So, I jumped in the car to go meet them.

But, alas, there were other forces at work. When I had gotten home I had seen something north of our house that just didn't look right. I had stopped in the driveway and watched it for about 5 minutes. At first I thought it was a small fire and I almost called D to tell him, but the longer I looked at it, I decided that it was the headlights of two vehicles in a pasture. Boy, was I wrong. When I went back out to the car, the pasture north of us was ablaze. I got in to go see how far north it was so I'd have good directions for the guys and called D. They responded to the fire and I went over to hang with Shawna. By the time they finished, it was 9pm and the only thing open in town was Subway, which we didn't want, so we went to Texas Roadhouse in Stillwater. Thankfully, they're open late :)

By the time we got home it was almost midnight and I was beat, so no blog. The next morning I didn't get up until almost 10 and then I had to rush around so we could head to Stillwater for the OSU football game. I thought, "I'll blog when we get home." Well, you know that didn't happen. When we got back the boys had to go to another fire south of town. Jakob, Shawna and I waited for a little bit then went down to the Mexican restaurant to eat before they closed. The boys weren't gone too long and we ordered some dinner for them, too. After dinner, they went back to the station to clean up the trucks and we headed home. I was going to have to get up at 5am the next morning so I went straight to bed, no blogging.

The fire pager went off again just before midnight and D was gone for about an hour on a rekindle. On Sunday morning, we were out the door by 6am and picked Mom up at 6:30 and headed to OKC for the AQHA World Show. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is life with a volunteer fireman. When the pager calls, he goes. I'm thankful when he comes home safe and I'm thankful that he's able to help those in need. I hate it when he's been out fighting fire for so long that he looks like he could collapse at any second and I hate it when he only gets an hour or two of sleep and still has to get up for his "regular" job. I'm thankful that there are people who are willing to make the sacrifices required to be a volunteer firefighter; a job they don't get paid for. Without them most of us who live in the sticks would have to standby helplessly and watch our homes and livelihoods go up in flames or see our loved ones suffer while they waited for EMS personnel to arrive from another town. We are lucky to have a group of local men who are willing to stop whatever they're doing and respond to those in need. So, the next time you see a volunteer fireman, let them know that you appreciate them. I sure do love mine.

A thankful heart: days 13 & 14

I am thankful for good memories. No matter what the situation was, I still have good memories from my childhood, like Rocky and I turning on the horse walker and hanging upside down from the lead ropes as it spun us around, or using the broom as a microphone while I swept the barn alley or waiting for the bus to pick us up and dancing beside the mailbox to keep warm while we made up our own song, "Come on, Kenny, come on!" (Kenny was our bus driver lol)

I'm also thankful for my husbands alarm. I was so tired last night that I forgot to set mine. Thankfully, he was also working a day shift and his alarm goes off 15 minutes after mine. It was a hurried morning, but I made it to work on time!

A thankful heart: day 12

Today I'm thankful for health insurance with prenatal coverage. Thank the good Lord, I've always had good benefits and I hope that I always do.

Things that go bump in the night

A few nights ago I had a very .......... um .......... unique experience. We were in bed and I was laying on my stomach and my toes were barely hanging off the end of the bed. All of a sudden it felt like someone was pressing a knife across the ends of the bottom side of my toes. I woke up just enough to be aware of the pain, which wasn't excruciating, but was just uncomfortable at that point. At first I thought D's raptor claw toenails were digging into me. But, then I remembered that his toenails had been trimmed off short the night before. Plus, I felt around with my leg and his feet were waaaaay over on his side of the bed. I could hear Marilyn snoring under the bed, so I knew it wasn't her and Diamond was asleep beside the wall. Then the pain got deeper, like this knife was really being pushed deep into my skin. I was immediately fully awake and started screaming and jumped out of the bed as my heart began to race and I threw the covers back, thinking there must be a spider or something there. There was nothing there. Again, I'm telling you there was nothing there. I inspected the area thoroughly. D slept through it and the next morning he only vaguely remembered me having a fit in the night. I have yet to figure out what it was, so until I do I'm just going with the story that I was "touched" in the night, because that just sounds spooky lol

A thankful heart: days 9, 10 & 11

I fell behind; life got in the way, I'll explain later.

I am thankful for sensitive toothpaste. I cannot imagine how unbearable brushing one's sensitive teeth must have been for people before the invention of this righteous product. I don't want to ever live without it :)

I am also thankful for soft toilet paper. A) I don't want to use a leaf or sandpaper. B) Have you ever had to use that cheap stuff at a restaurant or any other commercial establishment? Terrible! Not soft or strong. It's just bad all the way around. Amen for soft toilet paper.

I am also thankful for our Nation's Veterans. Without them all of our lives would be very different. Thank you to all who have served and thank you to the families who serve with them. I appreciate you!

A thankful heart: day 8

Today I'm thankful that I remembered to put on deodorant because yesterday I forgot. I'm not sure how one forgets to put on deodorant, but I confess, I'm guilty. I think it was because the night before I had dreamed that I had put on too much deodorant and was walking around with it squishing out of my armpits and I was extremely embarrassed. But, today, no worries, I smell powder fresh! :)

A thankful heart: day 7

Today I am thankful for the bible app on my phone. My reading plan is easily accessible and any time I need or want to look something up, it's immediately available with a search tool.

A thankful heart: day 6

Today, I am thankful for decaffeinated tea! I gave up my regular tea habit shortly before this pregnancy and while the caffeine withdrawls were really nonexistent, my desire for the taste of tea has grown as I did without. I don't care for coffee and I have a severe aversion to pop (aka soda to you northerners), but I LOVE iced tea, sweet tea to be exact. There's no other way to serve it. I had to make a quick trip to Wally World this afternoon and thank the good Lord that I remembered to get some decaf tea. My world is complete again. :)

A thankful heart: day 5

Today I'm thankful for a changed heart.

Between the ages of 8 and 13 I lived in a home where I was abused on a daily basis by my Mom's (now) ex-husband. He abused me mentally/emotionally, physically and sexually and there were many times that I didn't know if he was going to kill me or not. I tried to tell people what we were going through, but I was fighting an uphill battle. He was active in the church, sang in the choir, taught Sunday school to junior high boys and everyone knew that we didn't get along. So, my words fell on deaf ears and I remember being told that I was just causing trouble and that I shouldn't put my mother through that after she had to deal with my father's death. Which never made sense to me because what about how his death had affected me and my brother? Was that inconsequential? That's how their words made me feel.

I didn't truly begin to feel anger instead of fear until he began to beat my little brother. I tried to intercede and there were many times that I would pick a fight with him so that he would leave my brother alone. Many victims of abuse either turn inward or they fight back. For the first few years they were married I, like my Mom and my brother, was completely filled with fear and terror, never knowing what was going to set him off or how bad the beating would be. And then the day came when something inside of me changed and I became very angry with him and my anger superseded any fear that I had and I fought back. If he yelled, I yelled. If he cussed at me, I cussed back. If he hit me, I hit him back. If he threw something at me, I threw it right back. If he kicked, I kicked. Whatever he dished out, I returned. I was determined to not just stand there and take it. I knew that I couldn't beat him, but I was no longer willing to go down without a fight. I felt like I didn't have a safe place to seek shelter to escape his wrath and my only defense was to fight fire with fire.

I became completely filled with anger toward this man and I became angry with God for not delivering us from the situation, for not providing a way out. I was saved, but I began to turn my back on God; I thought He had abandoned me in that Hell hole and if He wasn't going to help me then I didn't need Him. I didn't stop believing in God or that He is the savior, but I didn't believe that He loved me like He loved everyone else. I knew that the bible said that God never leaves us, but my situation was so dire that I didn't think those words applied to me, I didn't believe that He would help me. I assumed I was being punished for something.

Even after my mom divorced this man, I was still angry with him and with God for several years. Over time and with the help of a good friend, I came to terms with it all and I was able to forgive and I returned to my relationship with God. The Lord placed people in my life that were able to help me see the error of my ways and help me understand that He loves me, too.

I can't answer the question of why God allowed us to live in that situation, but it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I don't wish harm on my Mom's ex-husband, but I have no desire to ever see him again. I pray that he has conquered whatever inner demons caused him to behave in that manner. I pray that he realizes what harm he caused to others and that he's been repentant and has changed. I am thankful that my eyes and heart were opened and that we have a God who is forgiving and forgave me for turning away from Him and healed me. I am thankful that my relationship with God has changed my heart and brought me peace. I am thankful that I don't have to live in anger and bitterness. What a sad life that would have been.

A thankful heart: day 4

Today I am thankful for a small town life. I have lived in American suburbia and I much prefer the quieter, slower paced lifestyle that living in a rural area offers. This life is not for everyone, but I am much calmer, happier and more peace-filled than I ever was when I lived in town. I enjoy going to church and knowing most of the congregation or running into town for a bite to eat and seeing the people I have known all my life. There's something comforting about the familiarity we all have with each other. I love stepping outside my door and hearing nothing but the wind through the trees and the pump jack as it moves up and down. I love looking out my window and seeing the beautiful open Oklahoma countryside and not row upon row of homes and vehicles. The Lord truly blessed me when He brought me and D back to this town and back to the land I grew up on :)

A thankful heart: day 3

Today I am thankful for oversized shirts and for my husband's too-big-for-me shirts; I think I may live in them for the duration of this pregnancy. I have come to the realization that I am one of those pregnant women who is just going to get huge early on and be huge until the end. I am only eight and a half weeks and my clothes are no longer fitting me. I thought I'd gained about 15 pounds and I was terrified to get on the scale at the doctor's office because it's too early for that kind of weight gain. I knew it was Mama weight, not baby weight. So, I was VERY surprised when the scale revealed I'd only gained 3 pounds since the last time I weighed in August. That means that all of this extra-ness is nothing but bloat! And it's awful and quite honestly, it's uncomfortable. I feel full and like I'm starving at the same time. My stomach growls but my muffin top screams, "NO!!" I think I will don some baggy sweatpants to go with my oversized shirts and go eat a bag of Reese's cups now. ;)

A thankful heart: day 2

Today, I am thankful for you! That's right, you! The person who is reading this. Whether we know each other or not, you're taking the time to read my silly little blog and for that I say, "Thank you!"

Thank you to my friends who've offered words of encouragement and those who've expressed enjoyment from reading my blog; it totally makes my day when someone tells me how much they enjoy reading it. The last few weeks have been a little hectic and I haven't blogged as much, but I'm still here. Plus, this whole pregnancy thing has me beat and I'm so tired that I can barely stay awake long enough to accomplish anything. I'm told this phase will pass :)

Thank you again for taking a moment out of tour day to read my blog, I appreciate you for it!

A thankful heart: day 1

Today I am thankful for two good ultrasounds! God has blessed us with a growing little bean and, so far, he/she is developing as he/she should. I think I was more nervous for the second ultrasound, I'm not sure why. I told D that I felt like my heart was beating in my throat and my stomach. Mom asked me after the first ultrasound if we could see the heart beating and yes, we could. It reminded me of how a cartoon character's heart almost beats out of their chest when they are lovestruck. The second time it just looked more like a fluttering motion. We will be having weekly ultrasounds for the next few weeks because the doctor wants to monitor me closely due to my history and I'm thankful for a great doctor!

Also today, as a pregnant woman, I am thankful for milk of magnesia. Enough said. lol