Ebelskivers

On Christmas Day I was really brave and made two breakfast dishes that I've never made before. I'm fearless like that in the kitchen. Have directions? Have the proper utensils? Bring it on! I can conquer (almost) anything in the kitchen.

One of the dishes I made were ebelskivers. According to Wikipedia:

Æbleskiver (/ˈeɪ.bləˌskiː.vɜr/; Danish meaning apple slices [singular: æbleskive]) are traditional Danish pancakes in a distinctive shape of a sphere. Somewhat similar in texture to American pancakes crossed with a popover, æbleskiver are solid like a pancake but light and fluffy like a popover. The English language spelling is usually aebleskiver or ebelskiver.

I learned about these accidentally one day while I was shopping on Zulily and saw an ebelskiver pan, which is necessary to make them. They were fairly simple and easy to make, especially since I used the ebelskiver mix from Williams Sonoma - they make cooking gourmet so easy! Here's the recipe I followed from the can of mix:

You will need:

1 1/4 C ebelskiver mix

2 eggs, separated

1 C milk

2 Tbsp butter, melted, plus more for cooking

1/2 C jam, chocolate hazelnut spread, or cooked fruit for filling 

Maple syrup, powdered sugar, or whipped cream for serving

And the ebelskiver pan, of course. 

The recipe made three full sets of 7. 

Put the pancake mix in a bowl. In a separate bowl, lightly whisk the egg yolks, milk, and butter. Whisk the egg yolk mix into the pancake mix until well combined. 

In another bowl, whisk the egg whites with an electric mixer until stiff peaks form (1-2 minutes). Fold the whites into the batter. 

Put 1/4 tsp butter into each well, turn heat to medium until the butter starts to bubble. 

Pour 1 Tbsp of batter into each well. Then, pour 1 tsp of jam, fruit filling, or chocolate hazelnut spread in the center of each pancake. Top with 1 Tbsp of batter. It will look like this:

At this point I really had my doubts about this whole thing. They look pretty flat, but don't worry, they will round out. 

Cook them about 4 minutes, or until the bottoms are golden brown. Use two wooden skewers to turn the pancakes over. I've seen other utensils used, but I think the skewers are easiest. Tongs would probably not work very well. And there's an art to turning them over; an art I haven't mastered, yet. 

They will look something like this.

Cook until golden brown, then remove them from the pan and place them on a plate. Repeat with the rest of the batter until it's all used up! Top them with powdered sugar or maple syrup. Or if you're my Mom, use both. Or try some whipped cream, I think that would be yummy, too. 

I will fill you in on the breakfast casserole (the other new dish I tried) later. 

The gift of massage

In the spirit of "you have not because you ask not," I would like to ask for the gift of two massages per week (and a sitter to watch my son while I'm there) for the rest of my life.

I love getting a massage. It never ceases to amaze me at how sore my body actually is. I walk around not noticing it too much until someone pierces the side of my thigh with their thumb and I feel like flying off the table. About 10 years ago I was diagnosed with a muscular condition for which I have forgotten the name. Myofacial something or other. Basically, my muscles retain tension at a higher intensity and for a longer period of time than what is considered normal. And this could be tension from work or life related stress or from physical exercise. And I have degenerative disc disease. So, when I say that I'm hurting, I really do mean it. A lifetime of free massages would be a great gift. Hint, hint if Richie Rich is reading this!

A couple of months ago I got a gift certificate for a massage and I finally got to use it today. The last massage I had was when I was pregnant and I've begun to have pregnancy sympathy pains; having the same piercing pain in my hips that I had when I was pregnant. Today's massage was the most blissful and most painful experience! I was sore all over, but when she made it to my hips and thighs, holy crap, Batman! It felt so good and hurt so bad that I wanted to cry, scream, and sing Hallelujah all at the same time. It felt like she was rolling pebbles up and down the back and sides of my thighs. Spiky, piranha teeth pebbles. Covered in fire. It was like being in a moving vise. I hated it and it felt awesome. I hated it so much I want to go back tomorrow. 

So, someone please send me a lifetime of gift massages so I can go enjoy being tortured some more. 

We are those parents

When you aren't a parent there are many times when you see a family and you think to yourself, "I would never _____." You can insert whatever judgment you have in the blank. Something like, let my child have a tantrum in a store. Or, buy my kid a toy or give him/her a reward to be quiet or for behaving. Or, one of our faves was, take my cranky child to a restaurant. 

Well, we are now those parents. 

We took D's mom to eat something swanky at Fleming's in Utica Square and about the time we were seated, someone decided he was hungry and very, very sleepy. However, I will say that he wasn't really that cranky about it, and he didn't have a screaming fit or anything like that. We managed to feed him most of his bottle and I let him waller (remember I said before that's an Okie term, and we all know that's real English) around and wear himself out. And when he fell a sleep, we did what any parent who wants to eat does ..... we laid him down on the floor. We had to lay him on our high chair cover, but the little toot laid there and slept through the rest if the meal. Score one for the 'rents! Thankfully, we were in a corner so we were able to lay him between our chairs and not have to worry about anyone stepping on him. 

We had to use a burp rag and his jacket to cover him up because one or both of us had forgotten his blanket in the car. And he laid his foot over the bottom of the high chair on his own. 

And for the record, he didn't care for the creme brûlée or the whipped cream. And the day was topped off with me leaving our container of wipes laying on the bathroom counter at Pottery Barn Kids. Hooray, me. 

Our Christmas tree

I just want to tell you about my Christmas tree before the holiday season is over. 

It's crooked. 

It leans ever so slightly to the right and I'm not sure why. We adjusted the set screws and it still veered off center. So, in an effort to even the crook out we put the star on crooked. It leans to the left, so with our optical illusion the whole thing should look straight, right?

You would think that this would set my OCD off in a New York minute, but it hasn't bothered me. I'm apparently making some real strides in that area.

I like sparkly ornaments and homemade ornaments, so there's a mishmash of ornaments that I made in elementary school, and some that my Grandma Betty made, mixed in with the new and our Hallmark yearlies. D commented the other day that he likes our tree because it's not too crowded or busy, which is why I like it, too. I'd like to have some blinky or chaser multi colored lights, but I'm too lazy to hang them, which is why I have a prelit tree. But, no garland or ribbon or beads for us; not that I don't think those things are pretty, they just don't really reflect who we are as a family. One thing that does reflect who we are, is this ornament. 

It's a picture of our beloved Diamond. I bought two frames several years ago and have always had pictures of the dogs hanging on the tree because they're part of our family. They even had their own stockings that I made. After I got the ornaments on the tree D told me that he was happy to see that I still put Diamond's picture up. She would have had a blast watching Rocco open gifts this year. 

We had a wonderful Christmas with family and I hope that all of you did, too! And on a completely random note, I love, love, love it when I go to someone's house and the toilet paper is on correctly - it rolls off the top! Thank you, Aunt Diana!

Santa is an elf

I am pretty sure that all of the movies and TV shows depicting Santa Claus as an average sized human being have gotten it wrong. Have you ever paid attention to the words of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas?


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.


The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.




When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.





The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.


With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!


"Now Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"


As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.


And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.


He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.


His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
 


























The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!


 He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.


 He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!


 He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

Note the letters highlighted, underlined, and in bold type:

Miniature sleigh
Tiny reindeerLittle old driver
Elf

So, here's the story ..... he's not an average sized human! You see the evidence just as I do. The story clearly states that he's an elf and refers to him as little. And not only that, but his reindeer are not the size of others in the deer family; they are referred to as tiny and he rides in a miniature sleigh! What more evidence do we need? No wonder he can slide up and down the chimney so easily; he's an elf and surely he would fit with ease. It's no wonder that I never saw Santa for all of these 36 years of my life, I was looking for a full sized man when I should have been looking for an elf! I have been deceived! Led astray! Fooled! Hoodwinked! Played! Scarred for life! I will be boycotting all of the media that portrays him and his reindeer as human-sized from here on out! Okay, not really, because I love Christmas movies! Home Alone, The Santa Clause, Miracle on 34th Street, Mickey's Christmas Carol, and all of the others!

But, for me, the true reason to celebrate Christmas is the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ.


Luke 2:1-20

New Living Translation (NLT)

 

The Birth of Jesus

2 At that time the Roman emperor, Augustus, decreed that a census should be taken throughout the Roman Empire. ² (This was the first census taken when Quirinius was governor of Syria.) ³ All returned to their own ancestral towns to register for this census. ⁴ And because Joseph was a descendant of King David, he had to go to Bethlehem in Judea, David’s ancient home. He traveled there from the village of Nazareth in Galilee. ⁵ He took with him Mary, his fiancée, who was now obviously pregnant.

⁶ And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. ⁷ She gave birth to her first child, a son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them.

 

The Shepherds and Angels

⁸ That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep. ⁹ Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. They were terrified, ¹⁰ but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. ¹¹ The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David! ¹² And you will recognize him by this sign: You will find a baby wrapped snugly in strips of cloth, lying in a manger.”

¹³ Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God and saying,

¹⁴ “Glory to God in highest heaven,
    and peace on earth to those with whom God is pleased.”

¹⁵ When the angels had returned to heaven, the shepherds said to each other, “Let’s go to Bethlehem! Let’s see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

¹⁶ They hurried to the village and found Mary and Joseph. And there was the baby, lying in the manger. ¹⁷ After seeing him, the shepherds told everyone what had happened and what the angel had said to them about this child. ¹⁸ All who heard the shepherds’ story were astonished, ¹⁹ but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. ²⁰ The shepherds went back to their flocks, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen. It was just as the angel had told them.

 

 

I hope all of you have a very merry Christmas and a wonderful new year! Celebrate with your family or friends and may we all carry the Christmas spirit with us throughout the year!

Messy eggs

I am very particular about my eggs and I wouldn't eat a hard boiled egg to save my life. Okay, maybe I would if it would save my life, but I would hurl afterward. And hurl. And hurl. And hurl. And I don't like dry scrambled eggs, they should be moist but not "wet". And I only like poached eggs on a muffin or biscuit with bacon and hollandaise sauce. And I only like eggs over easy on toast. But, if the eggs are in cakes or cookies or other sweeties, I'm good with that. 

All of that said, here's how I like my scrambled eggs: messy. And here's my messy recipe that will serve two to four people, depending on your appetite:

4-5 eggs

4 Campari tomatoes, chopped

6 slices of deli thin ham or turkey, chopped

1/4 to 1/2 red onion (depending on taste), chopped

2-4 slices of cheese (I use Velveeta), cut into small pieces

Break your eggs into a bowl, then whisk the whites and yolks together and season with salt and pepper. Spray a skillet with cooking spray and pour the eggs in.

Cook the eggs on medium heat, pushing the eggs toward the middle of the pan and scraping them off the sides until they're almost fully cooked. Remove the skillet from the heat and toss in the tomatoes, ham or turkey, and the onion and mix well. 

Return the pan to the heat and let it finish cooking while the veggies and meat heat through. Then toss in the cheese and let it melt as you continue to stir.

Here's what it will look like once it's finished. 

And serve that hot mess up on a plate and eat it with a tall glass of ice cold milk!

Easiest pinwheels ever

I am a fan of tortilla pinwheels of all flavors! And they're super easy to make and don't require a lot of ingredients or prep time. I decided to just use what I had on hand as a last minute finger food when we were having company, but these could be tweaked with anything you like, really. Tomato slices. Olives. Cucumbers. Lettuce. Spinach. Avocado. Whatever gets your boots dancing! If I'd had more time to think and plan I probably would have added some spinach and tomatoes. And maybe some bacon because, you know, bacon makes everything taste better. I think these would also make great snacks for tiny fingers and mouths, if you have any tiny eaters in your house. It's an easy alternative to the standard sandwich. Here's the delio:

1 pkg cream cheese, softened (I used fat free)

1 pkg dry ranch seasoning mix

1 family sized (1 lb) pkg deli thin sliced turkey or ham

1/2 red onion, sliced thin & rings separated and cut in half

1 pkg flour tortillas, I think I used the soft taco or fajita size

Mix the cream cheese and the ranch seasoning together. Lay down a tortilla and spread a couple of spoonfuls of the cream cheese mixture over it. 

Then lay a few slices of onion on it. 

Then lay down a few slices of meat. 

Roll it up. 

Then slice it up. 

Then repeat until you've used up your tortillas and the cream cheese mix. Or until you decide you'd rather go answer emails or entertain your 7 month old by blowing raspberries on his tummy. You can place them in a covered container and store them in the fridge. Or eat half of them right away because you and your hubby were starving. And if you're really starving, don't even bother slicing them up, just eat them as a rollup. Either way, it works.

Rocco's big day!

Rocco had a very big day today! He took his "First Christmas" pics, went to the Tulsa Farm Show and then to Utica Square to see Santa, eat dinner, and do some shopping! 

Elizabeth at OkieGirl Photography did a great job, as always, on his pics! He is too cute and looking too grown up. Time flies :/

At the farm show, he was ready to take off in this tractor. It was just his size, after all. 

He also tried to drive a daddy-sized tractor!

At Utica Square, aka the North Pole, we got to see Santa's house, where he and Mrs. Claus were greeting children, giving out cookies, and taking pictures. 

Rocco didn't cry, scream, or fuss. He was such a big boy!

I've blogged about Utica Square before and their Christmas displays. They are wonderful! In addition to Santa's house they also have a small house with a Nutcracker display.

And they decorate all of the trees with a bazillion and a half white lights! The picture doesn't do the live scene any justice.

If you're in the Tulsa area, go by 21st and Utica and see Santa and Mrs. Claus and enjoy a hot beverage from Starbucks, something sweet from the Russel Stover store, and something swanky from the Coach Store or Moody's Jewelry. Or just window shop; that's just as much fun and less expensive, and you consume fewer calories. I could have benefited from that last tidbit of advice earlier today. 

Why I'm a non smoker

As I drove to work this morning and it was colder than a witch's titty outside, I saw a man sitting outside of a local gas station having a little cigi. And it got me to thinking, here are 10 reasons why I've never smoked a cigarette - other than the fact that it tars up your lungs and exposes others to secondhand smoke:

1. It requires more dedication than I'm willing to give. Sitting outside when it's 20 degrees or 110 degrees is not my cup o' tea. 

2. It's too expensive. A man in front of me at the convenience store on Sunday morning spent almost $80 for two cartons. Seriously? I have better things to spend my money on, like chocolate. Or diapers. Or chocolate. 

3. It makes your breath stink and Scope and Listerine cannot mask the stench. 

4. It makes your skin stink. Yes, it does. 

5. It makes your clothes stink, no matter how much cologne or perfume you use.

6. It changes the look and feel of your skin. 

7. It increases the number of fine lines around your mouth. 

8. It yellows your walls if you smoke inside. 

9. It yellows your teeth. 

10. It makes your fingernails look nasty. 

So, basically what it boils down to is that I am just way too vain to smoke. Glad we all now know that about me. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, online world!

Today is Rocco's first Thanksgiving, but it will not be full of tradition like I want it to be. He won't even get to spend the day with us, and this is the plight of any parent who works shift work. 

D has to go to work at 2:00 pm and I have to go to work at 11:00 pm, which means that I have to sleep today, and I can't do that with a baby to take care of. Even if D took care of him until 1:00 pm and then got ready for work, I will still need to sleep between then and when it's time to leave for work so that I can stay awake all night. I wanted to have someone watch Rocco for a few hours this afternoon so I could sleep and then he could be home this evening and sleep in his own bed. Except I would also need someone to watch him from 9:30 pm when I leave until midnight when D gets home. But, because it's Thanksgiving, there are no babysitters available, not that anyone is available in the evenings, anyway. So, I did the only thing we could do, sent him with Nana and Papa. They're going to Grandpa Walt and Grandma Sue's for the day and won't be back until this evening. Rocco will just have to stay the night with them and I will have to speed from work to Nana's house in the morning so she can get to work. Then I will bring him home and D will take care of him while I get 3 hours of sleep before he has to go to work again. And hopefully, I will survive the day.

There will be no Thanksgiving meal for us. No gathering of family. No turkey. No stuffing. No green bean casserole. No pies. No Rocco. 

Rocco will have a fun day with Nana and Papa and Grandpa Walt and Grandma Sue were excited to see him. He will be surrounded by people who love him, even if Mommy and Daddy can't be there. And I can't really ask for more than that. 

I am thankful that each year we alternate between having Christmas and Thanksgiving off. I would love to have both holidays off, but that's just not possible, so alternating is fair and we try to plan accordingly. I am thankful that Nana and Papa are here to help us out, because we truly could not do it without them. I am thankful that we have good jobs that provide us with a home to shelter us, food to fill us, clothes to warm us, and all of the necessities of life. I am thankful for many things, but I am mostly thankful for my God - my forgiving, merciful, glorious God who died for my sins. 

If, like us, you work shift work and aren't able to spend the day with your loved ones, try to make the best of it. Make another day your day of Thanksgiving or, better yet, don't wait for a holiday to be thankful and spend time with family and have special foods. If you are lucky enough to today have your loved ones with you, have a table full of food, and a house full of love, please remember those who aren't so fortunate on this day and include them in your prayers. And don't forget to say a prayer for our troops who are serving away from home. Even when life doesn't fit the "ideal standard", there is still much to be thankful for. Life is what you make of it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

White Christmas

Last night my cousin, Maddy, and I went to see White Christmas at the Tulsa Performing Arts Center, part of their Broadway on Tour season. It was her first taste of a live Broadway show and at the age of 16, I've got her hooked! We did take her to see Bear and the Big Blue House when she was little, but she was afraid of Bear. And because I'm a good date, I took her to dinner at The Wild Fork beforehand. She liked that, too. I bought us both a magnet to remember the occasion and I also bought another program to go with all the others that I have. 

I almost always cry at the end of a show, I don't know why. My fave show is Wicked, followed by (in no particular order) Thoroughly Modern Millie, Mamma Mia!, 42nd Street, The Drowsy Chaperone, Jersey Boys, Say Goodnight Gracie, and Annie. There's probably more that I just can't think of right now. However, the one show that we saw that sucked was Cats. We couldn't understand what the actors were saying or singing. And it wasn't just us; during the intermission the man sitting in front of told his wife that he couldn't understand them, either. And several other people that I know who've seen it have all said the same thing. It was disappointing because we had really awesome seats. Seeing White Christmas last night was a perfect way to start the holiday season! The air was chilly and our dinner was perfect and a trip to Starbucks made the evening perfect.

After watching the show I've come to a few conclusions:

1. I do not have enough sparkly clothes in my closet. 

2. I need sparkly Spanx.

3. I do not have enough heavy, drapey curtains in my house; they have a very elegant look to them. 

4. I need some 1950's style dresses with an A-line skirt; flattering for most body types and they twirl well.

5. I do not bust out into song often enough anymore. I have been known to belt out Broadway tunes whenever I feel like it, like when I'm waiting in line to get in at An Affair of the Heart. I would sing to Loren and she would ask me to do it again.

6. I need to go dancing, but not just two-stepping or booty shaking, I want to learn ballroom dancing. 

7. I need tap shoes and tap dancing lessons. My Grandma Lois could tap dance, which is really something for a girl who grew up during the depression in the middle of dusty Oklahoma. Even at over eighty years old, on days when her body didn't hurt she would tap a little dance. 

8. And because we all know my brain works on tangents, seeing a Broadway show always makes me think of New York City and I still desperately want to go to there - and so does Maddy, for that matter! It's been a dream for as long as I can remember; Rockefeller Center at Christmas, Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, the Rockette's Christmas Spectacular, MoMA, the Statue of Liberty, Central Park - just a few places that are on my bucket list.

First flat of the season

Yesterday morning I left for work and about a quarter mile from the house my low tire pressure light came on and the information center on my dash said my right front tire was low. We had our first cold snap of the season and that usually makes my tires lose pressure, so I wasn't too worried about a nail or anything like that being the problem. I drove the four miles to town and pulled into the gas station to air up my tire. As I was airing it up I thought that it didn't look low at all and after putting quite a bit of air in it, my low tire pressure light was still on. I figured it would reset itself once I turned my car off, so I headed off to work. 

A few miles down the road I realized that I had put air in my left front tire, not the right! Sheesh! I was having a rough morning after having to bury Diamond the night before and my mind was not firing on all eight cylinders. It was ten miles to the next gas station, so I prayed that I would get there without any trouble. 

When I got to the next gas station, I pulled in among all of the semis (because that's where the air tanks are) and I made sure to air up the correct tire. I love semis. They're so big and noisy and the smell of diesel fumes just does something for me. Plus, they make me think of Grandpa Homer. Again, I thought that the tire didn't look low. After I'd put quite a bit of air in it and the low pressure light still wouldn't go off, I dug out my pressure gauge and checked the pressure four times, and each time it said the pressure was lower and lower. Then the cap fell off of the gauge. Super. Cheap POS. I could tell that the tire wasn't low, so I said, "Screw it," because I needed to get to work. I said another prayer that I would make it through the next thirty miles. 

After work, my low pressure light was still on. I went to a gas station and started putting air in the tire again. But, the light still wouldn't go off! So, I drove downtown to a repair shop to let a professional check it out. It turns out, my front tires were fine, it was my spare that was low! The shop didn't charge me and aired up my spare and reset my gauges. If you're ever in Perry, OK I highly recommend Sam's Auto! They have always treated me right and they do good work! I have had a number of tire problems (because we live in the sticks) and they've always taken care of me.

I also bought a new, more durable tire pressure gauge at Atwood's last night. I don't need that darn thing falling apart on me again! And because my brain works on tangents, here's a fun tidbit, the truck we used to own had been previously owned by Brian Atwood, the owner of Atwood's. That's my semi-celebrity connection for the day!

Not today

This morning I woke up and life went on. As soon as I opened my eyes I could see the vacancy left, not just in our hearts, but the physical vacancy of Diamond being gone. She slept on a bed in our bedroom and even in the darkness, I could see her black silhouette against her white bed. As soon as I would get up, she would rise to greet me. But, not today. 

She would follow me to the bathroom and lay just outside the door, her nose pressed against the open space at the bottom, blowing air underneath it while I got ready. But, not today. 

When I came out of the bathroom she would get up and stretch; she had an awesome downward dog and upward dog (yoga stretches). But, not today. 

She would race to the front door, shaking her whole body from head to toe to wake herself up. She would wait for me at the door while I woke up Marilyn. But, not today. 

When I would let them in after they pottied she would nudge my hand as she came through the door, her way of saying "I love you and hope you have a piece of candy for me." But, not today. 

She would race Marilyn to the food bowls, but after one or two bites she would come back to check on me before she finished her breakfast. But, not today. 

When she would finish her breakfast she would come through for another round of petting and rubbing before she would lay down to rest until it was time for me to leave. Then, she would follow me to the door and watch me leave. But, not today. 

This is the last photo I took of her before we left for the vet. I still see her as a puppy when I look at her. You can see the tumor making her upper lip stick out. My poor girl! She had started pawing at it and scratching it or rubbing her head on the floor in the last few days and we could see that it was continuing to grow. She was losing muscle mass, even though we'd switched her to wet/canned food. She was having trouble drinking and would get more water on the floor than she did in her mouth. 

It was a difficult morning with my big girl on my mind. A new routine begins. 

Goodbye, Diamond

We lost our Diamond today, Monday, November 11, 2013 - Veteran's Day. She's buried in a grave behind the house so that she'll always be with us. We buried her with one of her toys and a laser pointer, her favorite toy. She was 10 this month and Dr. Brett said that was a long life for a German Shepherd. 

We made the decision yesterday and I bawled all the way to work. I made it through my shift without breaking down, but as soon as I pulled in at home and saw Diamond waiting for me at the back door, I lost it again. It was the last time I would see her patiently waiting there. The last time I would hear her tail thump against the washer when I open the door. The last time she would try to trip me up as I walk in. The last time I would rub her ears before bed. The last time I would tell her good night. 

I don't feel any peace about the situation, but we didn't have a choice; it was this or watch her suffer. I admit, I was not prepared for this. I always thought she would die of old age, in her sleep, not because she got sick, and I never considered that we would have to make the decision that letting her go would be the more humane choice. I always knew that we would probably outlive her, but you just can't prepare yourself for the agony. I knew it would be difficult, but there's no way to appropriately describe the grief that I feel. She was one of our children and I am completely heartbroken. I will never hear her thunder through the house again. Never watch her curl herself up on Marilyn's bed that's too small for her. Never watch her bound off the porch after a Pete or armadillo. Never wake up to her by my bedside, her chin on the bed, watching me and breathing doggy breath into my face. Never watch her chase a laser dot again. Never have her here to alert me to or stand between me and danger. Never again look into those dark eyes. Never again watch her drool all over the kitchen floor while she waits for a piece of candy (dog treat). Never again watch her prance around the front yard. Never again watch her and Marilyn fight and play together as only sisters and best friends do. Never feel her nose nudge my hand when she wants to be loved on. I am burdened with the guilt of wondering did we love her enough? Did we provide a good enough life for her while she was here? Did she have a happy life? Did I pet her enough? Rub her ears enough? Love on her enough? Did she understand how much we loved her and how much we miss her now?

Dr. Tamara held her while Dr. Brett administered the necessary meds. I could see it in her face, Diamond knew something was up. Her breathing immediately became labored and then she went limp. It was over in a few seconds and there were a lot of tears shed. It was the only time all night that Rocco wasn't fussing. It was like he knew something serious was happening. 

Oh, my beloved Diamond! I already miss you so much! My heart burns with pain thinking of how our lives are not the same without you. Our biggest baby for 10 years, you are forever in our hearts. 

I know what's coming

Yesterday was a fairly productive day for me. First, I actually got eight hours of sleep. Holy crap what a difference that makes! I did six loads of laundry (whites, darks, baby clothes, bedding, extra blankets and dog bedding), vacuumed, mopped, went to Wal-Mart, the recycling bin, the cleaners, the post office, had lunch with Mom, and got my oil changed. Plus, I played with Rocco and we had a great day of mommy-baby time. 

While I was at lunch our vet called. I had called him earlier that morning because Diamond's tumor has been bleeding. And I know this sounds horribly selfish, but it also makes her breath smell ATROCIOUS! I can't get within ten feet of her without gagging from the stench. But, the bleeding concerns me and, since we can't afford the surgery that might make the situation worse anyway, I wanted to know if there was something we could do to stop the bleeding. When I left the message, I knew that the answer I was going to get was probably not a good one. And it wasn't. As Dr. Brett said, I think it's time we start having a different conversation.

I have cried several times since, feeling selfish and sorrowful, my head telling me what needs to be done and my heart refusing to accept it. This morning it was all I could do to not wail and moan and have a major sob fest while I was putting on my makeup. I'm trying to keep it together, rationalizing the situation to make it easier to deal with. But, I know that when the end draws near, I won't be able to maintain this much control. I can feel it building up inside me and every time I look at her I feel like all of this raw emotion will come bursting out at any moment. She looks tired and sad. And when I think of how Marilyn will feel when her partner in crime is gone, I just want to cry all over again. Do we take her with us to the vet when it's time to let Diamond go? They have terrible separation anxiety as it is, I can't imagine how bad it will be when we don't come home with Diamond. 

If Diamond were a human and we were having this conversation, they would call it murder or assisted suicide and put us in jail. And that pretty much sums up why I feel so conflicted, because I feel like I'm murdering her! Whether she's ready to go or not, whether it's the right thing to do or not - nothing matters because it doesn't change this awful feeling I have inside that I'm murdering one of my furry babies. She's been our biggest baby for 10 years! If you're not an "animal person" I don't expect you to understand. But, for those of us who adopt our fur balls into our lives as part of our family, it is excruciating to lose them. 

So, here I sit, wrestling with what to do and praying for guidance and peace about the situation, afraid to even speak the word "death", but needing to talk about it and feeling like I don't have the words to appropriately describe my grief. I wish there was an easy answer.

For the men

Colossians 3:19 

Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. 

Proverbs 5:15-20

(15) Now, about sex and marriage: Drink only the water that comes from your own well, (16) and don’t let your water flow out into the streets. (17) Keep it for yourself, and don’t share it with strangers. (18) Be happy with your own wife. Enjoy the woman you married while you were young. (19) She is like a beautiful deer, a lovely fawn. Let her love satisfy you completely. Stay drunk on her love, (20) and don’t go stumbling into the arms of another woman.

I shared these verses yesterday on my personal FB page. What I found odd was that the only people who "liked" the status were women. Not one man. Not a single one. Do these verses not speak to the hearts of men? I certainly hope they do. The fact that they speak to women should be of important note to men. If these verses can be so intimately familiar to a woman's heart, shouldn't her man take notice?

A shout out

I was at Walmart early on Saturday morning and this is what was in front of the customer service counter. 

This is just a fraction of the carts that were there. These are not returns, these are items that people picked up and then left laying throughout the store. Grapes left in hardware. Deodorant next to the mac and cheese. Bug spray in housewares. 

What in the world???

Maybe this just grates on me because I worked at two grocery stores and a department store in high school and I spent hours facing shelves and organizing clothing racks. Or maybe it's because I find this to be rude, indecent human behavior. 

When I worked for the department store I would go into the dressing room to find piles of clothing and swimsuit bottom liners stuck to the wall. Gross beyond gross. Who does that? Sweaters hung up in the bras. Bras in with the jeans. Jeans left in the shoe department. Gum ..... everywhere. People returning clothes they had obviously worn. I once had to process a dress return and it wreaked of B.O. so bad that I almost gagged. And the woman returning it, who also wreaked of B.O., had the gall to claim she'd never worn it. I wanted to call her a liar in front of everyone.

Oddly enough, while I was tending to this stinky woman, a rude woman with two teen daughters started screaming at me from thirty feet away. "Clerk! Clerk! You! Do you hear me talking to you?! You better get over here and help me! Don't you keep me waiting!" Really? Can you not see that I am tending to another customer and I am the only person working this department? It reminded me of a child throwing a temper tantrum. I'd rather deal with a stinky customer over a rude one any day of the week. 

I have had plenty of negative experiences with people who work in retail or in customer service, but today I'm going to give a shout out to all of them! I know they spend their days tolerating the rude, inconsiderate, and sometimes disgusting behavior of others and how frustrating that can be. Shake it off, put a warm smile on your face, have a welcoming greeting for the next customer, and maintain a professional, helpful attitude. Your shift will be over soon and you can sit in your car and scream to let loose the tension of the day. It's a 40-hour week and here's your feel good song!

40 Hour Week - Alabama

http://youtu.be/Kuz8_PP3bqY

There are people in this country who work hard every day 
Not for fame or fortune do they strive 
But the fruits of their labor are worth more than their pay 
And it's time a few of them were recognized 

Hello Detroit auto worker, let me thank you for your time 
You work a forty hour week for a livin', just to send it on down the line 
Hello Pittsburgh steel mill worker, let me thank you for your time 
You work a forty hour week for a livin', just to send it on down the line 

This is for the one who swings the hammer, driving home the nail 
For the one behind the counter, ringing up the sales 
For the one who fights the fires, the one who brings the mail 
For everyone who works behind the scenes 

You can see them every morning in the factories and the fields 
In the city streets and the quiet country towns 
Working together like spokes inside a wheel 
They keep this country turning around 

Hello Kansas wheat field farmer, let me thank you for your time 
You work a forty hour week for a livin', just to send it on down the line 
Hello West Virginia coal miner, let me thank you for your time 
You work a forty hour week for a livin', just to send it on down the line 

This is for the one who drives the big rig, up and down the road 
For the one out in the warehouse, bringing in the load 
For the waitress, the mechanic, the policeman on patrol 
For everyone who works behind the scenes 

With a spirit you can't replace with no machine 
Hello America let me thank you for your time