Why I'm a non smoker

As I drove to work this morning and it was colder than a witch's titty outside, I saw a man sitting outside of a local gas station having a little cigi. And it got me to thinking, here are 10 reasons why I've never smoked a cigarette - other than the fact that it tars up your lungs and exposes others to secondhand smoke:

1. It requires more dedication than I'm willing to give. Sitting outside when it's 20 degrees or 110 degrees is not my cup o' tea. 

2. It's too expensive. A man in front of me at the convenience store on Sunday morning spent almost $80 for two cartons. Seriously? I have better things to spend my money on, like chocolate. Or diapers. Or chocolate. 

3. It makes your breath stink and Scope and Listerine cannot mask the stench. 

4. It makes your skin stink. Yes, it does. 

5. It makes your clothes stink, no matter how much cologne or perfume you use.

6. It changes the look and feel of your skin. 

7. It increases the number of fine lines around your mouth. 

8. It yellows your walls if you smoke inside. 

9. It yellows your teeth. 

10. It makes your fingernails look nasty. 

So, basically what it boils down to is that I am just way too vain to smoke. Glad we all now know that about me.