Honey or vinegar?

In 1935, my Grandma was 11 years old; a preteen living in the dustbowl days, the fifth of 7 girls born to her parents, Martin and Minnie. Martin's parents were John and Susan and they operated a gas station. Susan was blind, but she kept the books because John didn't know how to add. He would read off the numbers from the pump, she would write them down, then at the end of the day he'd read off the numbers from the book and she'd add them in her head. It amazes me that this system worked for so many years.

That Christmas, John and Dora gave Grandma a small amount of change, she thinks it may have been about fifty cents, which went a lot further than it would today. She went to a local store and bought a small statue of a boy and girl holding hands. When she got home, her mother wanted to know where her fifty cents was, because she wanted it. When Grandma told her that she'd spent it, she got spanked and Minnie threw the statue in the trash. When Grandma took the trash out, she dug the statue out, stuffed it in her shirt and took it back inside. Minnie found it again, threw it away again, Grandma dug it out again and snuck it back in again. This scenario played out several times. I've heard some stories about my Great Grandmother Minnie and she was certainly not the nicest woman in the world. But, the fact that she continued to have Grandma take out the trash where she could dig the statue out again and again intrigues me. Was she trying to teach her a lesson of some sort? Was she just making her work to get what she wanted? Or was she just being a hag about it?

Minnie would also make Grandma do her sister's book reports; she was never allowed to read a book for herself, it was always so she could do someone else's homework. One day, she brought home the book "Tess of the Storm Country" by Grace White. When Minnie discovered the book and that Grandma wasn't reading it for her sister, she grabbed the book and threw it into the fire. Grandma said she never got to finish the book.

Minnie's mother, Laura, was also not a very nice woman. Several of her grandchildren have described her as mean and not the kind of grandma you could hug or who would let you sit in her lap. And you certainly didn't touch anything in her house. Part of me would like to blame the circumstances that they lived in - poor with lots of mouths to feed and probably without electricity or running water for the greater part of their lives - for their meanness. But, there are so many people who lived in that same situation who didn't have a sour disposition and weren't mean. So, it occurs to me that, like the rest of us, these two women had a choice and both of them chose to be mean and spiteful and play favorites with her children. I've tried many times to imagine what it was like to live in those hard times. How would it change me? Would I be able to do it, day after day after day? Would I let my emotions about the circumstances rule over me or would I rise above? What would my attitude be like if I didn't have a car, had to go to an outdoor spigot for water or to an outhouse to use the bathroom, had 14 children and stayed home with them every day? Would I be just as mean as these two women? Would living a different life in a different time make me a mean person? I would like to think that I would still show affection to those around me, that I would still be thankful for my family and my friends and any blessings I recieved. I would hope that I wouldn't let my circumstances control my attitude. But, until each of us has endured a life like that, how are we to know? How would we react if we suddenly lost many of the modern conveniences we have today? I realize that many of these things hadn't been invented by 1935, so maybe they didn't know what they were missing and thus, our situation would be different. But, it doesn't change the fact that we all have the freedom to choose how we behave.

So, today, I'd like to apply this line of thought to other situations we all face. I'm encouraging you to think before you react. Don't let your frustration with the situation before you rule over you. Don't let the circumstances control your attitude. Don't just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind - I will tell you from firsthand experience, this doesn't always go over well. You have the choice to either exercise some patience or scream, wave your hands, honk your horn and tailgate the pokey person in front of you. You have the choice to not act exasperated when the line at the store is slow and you're in a hurry. You have the choice to not yell at your spouse or children when you're frustrated about something else. You have the choice to not yell when someone is yelling at you. You have the choice to not throw a fit when things don't go your way. You have the choice to control your tone of voice and body language. You can make your point without being mean, belittling or disrespectful. Sometimes, this is hard to remember when our children, coworkers, spouses, friends or even strangers seem to be pushing our buttons and getting on our last nerve, but you always have a choice. Don't be disrespectful just because someone else is. Use your brain. Don't follow someone else's bad example just because it's easy to do so. Plow your own road. Think about what you're doing. Think about what you're saying. Be purposeful with your words and actions. You can diffuse a situation that's going south if you'll think before you react and choose your words and actions wisely. "It's easier to catch bees with honey than it is with vinegar." Think about what those words mean and how can you put that meaning to work in your life today?

P.S. This was not what I intended to write today, it just came to me as I was typing. So, maybe someone out there needed to hear it. Or maybe I'm the one who needed to hear it. Hopefully, someone got something out of it.

P.S.S.  Also, about 15 years ago, I found a copy of "Tess of the Storm Country", which had been out of print for a while, and gave it to Grandma. It totally made her day and she finally got to read the ending. :)