More toilet paper issues

I have officially crossed the 20 pound mark and my inner thighs officially touch - which grosses me out. Just so you know.

We were out of toilet paper again today and this time it was my turn to put out a new roll. I decided to be a rebel and do what my husband does and not put the roll on the holder/dispenser (I think what you call it it depends on what part of the country you're from). Soooooooooo, I set the new roll on top of the holder and called it good and in completely uncharacteristic and rare fashion, I did not put down the lid of the toilet. I have issues with a toilet lid that's left up. It's gross and when you look at the toilet you see the bowl and that makes me think of pee, which makes me think if poo, which makes me think of puke and then I want to puke. Like I said, I have issues. Don't judge. Anyhoo, I didn't put the lid down and I didn't put the new roll on the holder.

A few minutes later, I was putting on my shoes so we could go to the basketball game and, in case you've forgotten - I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant, I realized I needed to sit down to tie them. As I leaned over to put my hand on the toilet lid so I could sit without plopping, I realized too late that the lid was still up. I lost my balance and began to fall, hit the roll of toilet paper that was sitting on top of the holder and knocked it into the gaping open toilet bowl, splashing water everywhere. Lets all take a moment to clear the puke from our throat. The toilet paper roll immediately swelled to about five times it's normal size and then I had to pick the dripping wet mess up out of the bowl. If you need to puke again, I completely understand.

Once I got all of the splashed out toilet water cleaned up and choked back puke and said a few choice words, I put the lid down, had a seat, tied my shoes and away we went. Another lesson learned the hard way. :)