23 weeks

As of yesterday, I am officially 23 weeks into this pregnancy.  Yippee!  For many, and I mean MANY, years I didn't think I'd ever have children.  And, to be honest, parenthood wasn't really something that I was interested in.  I was never one of those girls that felt the NEED to be a parent.  I had friends in high school who couldn't wait to get married and have kids and I just never felt that way.  Yes, I got married 3 months after I graduated (it didn't last, FYI), but I never felt that innate need to have kids that so many women have told me about.  On a side note, I also never thought I'd get married again - another subject where I was thankfully wrong.  Having children was about as far from my mind as Pluto is from Earth.  I loved children, I just wasn't interested in having my own.  And the whole birth process grossed me out.  Like, puke city, gross me out.  My Mom would say, "No, it's a miracle."  Yes, yes it is, but it's a gross miracle.  I've seen animals give birth ...... still gross.  I also watched a natural birth video ..... still gross.  It was like a train wreck.

I.

Just.

Couldn't.

Look.

Away.

Don't worry, I'm sure that when the time comes, I won't care how gross it is.  As a twenty-something, seeing a pregnant belly move also grossed me out.  When my cousin, Jennifer, was pregnant she grabbed my hand one day and put it on her belly as her baby moved and I almost puked on her shoes.  I liked my life the way that it was and I also didn't want to be a resentful parent who said things like, "If I hadn't had children I could have _____."  I told everyone that I was never going to have children and I truly believed it.

And now, here I am, with a growing baby bump that moves and pushes and presses and makes me smile and pee about 119 times each day.  On Monday morning, while I was putting on my makeup, he karate chopped me about an inch below my belly button and about a hand's length to the left.  It was the hardest kick I've felt and it was so sudden and sharp that I jumped, kicked my left leg like a mule and let out an "Oh!"  If D had been up, he'd have laughed his a** off.  It was like our little man had a nap jerk.  I hate those.  However, I'm still hoping that, like a child's fairy tale, the stork will bring me a beautiful baby wrapped in a white blanket and I can skip the whole birth process.

I'm not sure when my feelings about being a parent changed or if it was just a gradual progression as I aged.  I confess, it seems very strange and bizarre to have a growing human inside me and even stranger to feel him move - which doesn't gross me out the way that it used to.  I guess it's just different when it's your own body.  The first movement I felt was just a flutter and I was 20 weeks and 4 days, which according to an old wives tale marks the halfway point, meaning that my due date would be postponed about 8 days.  Time will tell.  And I never thought I would be okay with other people touching my belly, but it doesn't bother me at all and I've caught myself even asking a couple of people if they wanted to feel.  ???  When did I become so ...... um, so ...... um, I don't know, not myself? 

In the meantime, people keep telling me that I am small for being 23 weeks along.  ???  Really?  My waist is more than 9 inches larger than it was pre-prego and I've gained more than 20 pounds - surpassing my heaviest pre-prego weight.  So, if everyone thinks my belly is small, does that mean that all of my extra weight is in my butt and boobs?