Things that go bump in the night

A few nights ago I had a very .......... um .......... unique experience. We were in bed and I was laying on my stomach and my toes were barely hanging off the end of the bed. All of a sudden it felt like someone was pressing a knife across the ends of the bottom side of my toes. I woke up just enough to be aware of the pain, which wasn't excruciating, but was just uncomfortable at that point. At first I thought D's raptor claw toenails were digging into me. But, then I remembered that his toenails had been trimmed off short the night before. Plus, I felt around with my leg and his feet were waaaaay over on his side of the bed. I could hear Marilyn snoring under the bed, so I knew it wasn't her and Diamond was asleep beside the wall. Then the pain got deeper, like this knife was really being pushed deep into my skin. I was immediately fully awake and started screaming and jumped out of the bed as my heart began to race and I threw the covers back, thinking there must be a spider or something there. There was nothing there. Again, I'm telling you there was nothing there. I inspected the area thoroughly. D slept through it and the next morning he only vaguely remembered me having a fit in the night. I have yet to figure out what it was, so until I do I'm just going with the story that I was "touched" in the night, because that just sounds spooky lol

A thankful heart: days 9, 10 & 11

I fell behind; life got in the way, I'll explain later.

I am thankful for sensitive toothpaste. I cannot imagine how unbearable brushing one's sensitive teeth must have been for people before the invention of this righteous product. I don't want to ever live without it :)

I am also thankful for soft toilet paper. A) I don't want to use a leaf or sandpaper. B) Have you ever had to use that cheap stuff at a restaurant or any other commercial establishment? Terrible! Not soft or strong. It's just bad all the way around. Amen for soft toilet paper.

I am also thankful for our Nation's Veterans. Without them all of our lives would be very different. Thank you to all who have served and thank you to the families who serve with them. I appreciate you!

A thankful heart: day 8

Today I'm thankful that I remembered to put on deodorant because yesterday I forgot. I'm not sure how one forgets to put on deodorant, but I confess, I'm guilty. I think it was because the night before I had dreamed that I had put on too much deodorant and was walking around with it squishing out of my armpits and I was extremely embarrassed. But, today, no worries, I smell powder fresh! :)

A thankful heart: day 7

Today I am thankful for the bible app on my phone. My reading plan is easily accessible and any time I need or want to look something up, it's immediately available with a search tool.

A thankful heart: day 6

Today, I am thankful for decaffeinated tea! I gave up my regular tea habit shortly before this pregnancy and while the caffeine withdrawls were really nonexistent, my desire for the taste of tea has grown as I did without. I don't care for coffee and I have a severe aversion to pop (aka soda to you northerners), but I LOVE iced tea, sweet tea to be exact. There's no other way to serve it. I had to make a quick trip to Wally World this afternoon and thank the good Lord that I remembered to get some decaf tea. My world is complete again. :)

A thankful heart: day 5

Today I'm thankful for a changed heart.

Between the ages of 8 and 13 I lived in a home where I was abused on a daily basis by my Mom's (now) ex-husband. He abused me mentally/emotionally, physically and sexually and there were many times that I didn't know if he was going to kill me or not. I tried to tell people what we were going through, but I was fighting an uphill battle. He was active in the church, sang in the choir, taught Sunday school to junior high boys and everyone knew that we didn't get along. So, my words fell on deaf ears and I remember being told that I was just causing trouble and that I shouldn't put my mother through that after she had to deal with my father's death. Which never made sense to me because what about how his death had affected me and my brother? Was that inconsequential? That's how their words made me feel.

I didn't truly begin to feel anger instead of fear until he began to beat my little brother. I tried to intercede and there were many times that I would pick a fight with him so that he would leave my brother alone. Many victims of abuse either turn inward or they fight back. For the first few years they were married I, like my Mom and my brother, was completely filled with fear and terror, never knowing what was going to set him off or how bad the beating would be. And then the day came when something inside of me changed and I became very angry with him and my anger superseded any fear that I had and I fought back. If he yelled, I yelled. If he cussed at me, I cussed back. If he hit me, I hit him back. If he threw something at me, I threw it right back. If he kicked, I kicked. Whatever he dished out, I returned. I was determined to not just stand there and take it. I knew that I couldn't beat him, but I was no longer willing to go down without a fight. I felt like I didn't have a safe place to seek shelter to escape his wrath and my only defense was to fight fire with fire.

I became completely filled with anger toward this man and I became angry with God for not delivering us from the situation, for not providing a way out. I was saved, but I began to turn my back on God; I thought He had abandoned me in that Hell hole and if He wasn't going to help me then I didn't need Him. I didn't stop believing in God or that He is the savior, but I didn't believe that He loved me like He loved everyone else. I knew that the bible said that God never leaves us, but my situation was so dire that I didn't think those words applied to me, I didn't believe that He would help me. I assumed I was being punished for something.

Even after my mom divorced this man, I was still angry with him and with God for several years. Over time and with the help of a good friend, I came to terms with it all and I was able to forgive and I returned to my relationship with God. The Lord placed people in my life that were able to help me see the error of my ways and help me understand that He loves me, too.

I can't answer the question of why God allowed us to live in that situation, but it doesn't really matter to me anymore. I don't wish harm on my Mom's ex-husband, but I have no desire to ever see him again. I pray that he has conquered whatever inner demons caused him to behave in that manner. I pray that he realizes what harm he caused to others and that he's been repentant and has changed. I am thankful that my eyes and heart were opened and that we have a God who is forgiving and forgave me for turning away from Him and healed me. I am thankful that my relationship with God has changed my heart and brought me peace. I am thankful that I don't have to live in anger and bitterness. What a sad life that would have been.

A thankful heart: day 4

Today I am thankful for a small town life. I have lived in American suburbia and I much prefer the quieter, slower paced lifestyle that living in a rural area offers. This life is not for everyone, but I am much calmer, happier and more peace-filled than I ever was when I lived in town. I enjoy going to church and knowing most of the congregation or running into town for a bite to eat and seeing the people I have known all my life. There's something comforting about the familiarity we all have with each other. I love stepping outside my door and hearing nothing but the wind through the trees and the pump jack as it moves up and down. I love looking out my window and seeing the beautiful open Oklahoma countryside and not row upon row of homes and vehicles. The Lord truly blessed me when He brought me and D back to this town and back to the land I grew up on :)