Any guesses as to what it might be? Or what it might be about?
Food. It's about food. What else would it be about? I love food. My gut and rear, not so much. But, here it is:
I DON'T LIKE TURKEY!
That's right, I don't like turkey, not even a little bit. I don't like the smell of it, either. I also don't like turkey gravy, aka brown gravy, and if you try to put it on my potatoes or anything else, I will jab you with my fork (just kidding). I don't like cranberry sauce or cranberry relish. I don't like pumpkin pie and I don't like pecan pie. I don't like caramel and I'm not a fan of chocolate sauce. I don't like sweet potatoe casserole or anything with marshmallows in it, either. And don't even get me started on all of the holiday "salads" like macaroni or potato.
Do you hate me? Do I sound like a picky, spoiled five year old brat? Does all of that sound un-American? Don't worry your pretty little head, I still bleed red, white, and blue. I promise.
The last Thanksgiving that my dad was alive he wanted to have shrimp. So, we did. I remember that holiday specifically because of the shrimp. We had all of the other traditional foods that year, but we also had shrimp, peel and eat, if I remember correctly. I don't like shrimp, either, by the way. It was at my Great Grandma's house in Blackwell, as always, and I can still see her and my Grandma Betty and Great Aunt Cora standing in the kitchen, lined up and cooking away. I loved that kitchen. There was a little banquette at one end with a booth instead of chairs, which I thought was awesome because it was like eating at a restaurant and since we didn't have anything like that at home, I was always enamored with it. I liked to slide in one side and then scoot around to the middle of the seat - not the end, I didn't want to sit on the end. Now, I would feel claustrophobic and die a slow and painful death if I had to sit on the inside of the booth.
I usually never say anything about the holiday traditionals that I don't care for. I just eat them and tell myself I'm eating a hamburger and onion rings. Everyone else loves all of the food that I think is gross, and since I'm the minority, I just eat what's put in front of me - especially if someone else cooked it. I am not so rude that I would dare criticize what someone else worked hard to prepare. And I will continue to do that. And to clarify the whole turkey issue, I do like shaved turkey breast sandwiches. I don't like thick pieces of turkey (or ham, which is a whole other issue) and I don't like dark meat at all - not even on chicken, except for the leg, which I grew up eating as the "kid's piece" and I don't consider it dark meat because the leg is an island unto itself and calling it dark meat would mess up my OCD brain. Just roll with it, humor me, and repeat after me, "The leg is not dark meat." Thank you.
Here's what my dream holiday meal would consist of:
Steak, preferably sirloin or filet, medium well
Potatoes, cooked pretty much any way you want except in a potato salad
Green beans, sautéed or in a casserole
Broccoli rice casserole
Carrots, with brown sugar and salt
Rolls or bread of any kind, hot and with butter, or better yet, with honey butter
Asparagus, with hollandaise sauce
Stuffing
Little smokies or smoked sausage with BBQ sauce (it's an Okie fave)
Dip trays!!! A smorgasbord of dips, veggies, crackers, and cheese! Screw the turkey! I could make my entire meal out of these! Except hummus, which tastes like dirt.
Cheesecake
Cherry pie
Pistachio pudding, the one thing I will eat marshmallows in
Chocolate chip cookies, my Mama's recipe, please
Creme brûlée
The problem is that most of what's on that list are routinely eaten in our house and during the holidays, everyone wants something special. I'm not like that. I love to have variety in my diet and try new foods, but I think it's people that make the holiday (and every day, for that matter) special. Yes, the food is special, but the focus should be on people and not so much on the food. I'd rather have burgers and fries (or BBQ!) and have everyone together and laughing and playing games than to have a few people spending two days in the kitchen preparing for the "big meal" while a few people are in front of the TV and a few others are napping and the kids are left to their own devices. I love having the whole family around and everyone making a big batch of chocolate chip cookies or doing a huge puzzle together or playing board games or just sitting at the table to chat. That's much more my speed as opposed to the stress of getting the one big meal "right".
So, when you see me eating turkey (or ham) and looking like my mind is somewhere else, it is - I am dreaming about beef.
P.S. I always miss my Aunt Virgie during the holidays. She always made the season special and made each of us feel loved, even when she gave me bras and panties for Christmas in front of all the males in the family.
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